Not all here?

Trying again

2008-01-31T15:30:00.000-08:00

I'm giving blogging a second try here.

Wings

2006-12-27T15:58:00.000-08:00

Aerial muscles pulsating

Provide the lift for flight

Unused wings grow stronger still

A birthright unexplored

Avian freedom beckons clear

It grips the heart with purpose

A fearless search for promises

Across the deep unknowns

Yet seen from the empty nesting place

Where the flight did first begin

A silhouette against setting sun

Provides the wave farewell

Spoiled

2006-12-08T16:48:00.000-08:00

Spoiled

Like sour milk

Or rotten eggs

Like ruined surprise

Or premature present finding

Same as rewarded tantrums

And lenient “love”

Polygamy or Idolatry?

2006-12-08T16:41:00.000-08:00

Polygamy or Idolatry?

Close bonded relationship

Draws in one direction

Or another.

Either it out weighs God

Or God out weights it.

How odd to think

Of this as divine love triangle

When the marriage bonds are

Strongest towards the Creator.

Think the beautiful harmony

Of love that could be

In passionate relationships

With almighty and spouse

Jealously fighting for true understanding

Of both and of self.

Golden

2006-12-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

Outlook changes color

Of world red

To gold

Vibrant ambient hue

Fills with hope

Replaces ignorant determination

With optimistic confidence

The metallic air

Inhales mental confusion

Exhales simple contentment

Warmth of soul

Deep unanswered questions

Succumb to atmosphere

In quiet understanding

Gagged Interrogation

2006-12-08T16:34:00.000-08:00

I would reply

If they would let me speak

But the goal is destruction

They’re not looking for answers

They want self-satisfaction

Feeling injections of worth

At the expense of my error

So I sit through this gagged interrogation

And listen to their venomous words

Knowing that in hope and truth

I hold the vaccine

Recovery (Ezekiel 3:14-15)

2006-09-19T18:43:00.000-07:00

First glance birthed jealous thoughts
of awe filled recovery
After glory filled encounter
But later thoughts reveal
Less palatable possibilities

Days filled with questioning
Reconciling what was with what is
Learning how to exist with self-confidence
After receiving unbridled grace
And exceptional calling

Perhaps no pleasant processing
But a tearing of identity so great
That days were needed
To piece life together
In a way that made sense

What if world turned ash
After heavenly vision
Conversations lacking
The depth desired

Consider the shock
Of all theologies corrected
In one instant
When found standing
In awesome throne room

Is divine vision yet attractive
Does requested presence seem safe
Is self ready to be denied
Identity prepared for the breaking

Awkward

2006-09-19T18:39:00.000-07:00

Odd
How father
Fights like child
When lied about
and called false names
Do awkward love
and greatest strength
Pose challenges for omnipotence
Or have we progressed
So far as to deny
Emotion and action
Which were meant
As righteousness

Small Town Encounters

2006-09-19T18:17:00.000-07:00

Small town encounters
Force life reflection

As eyes meet in passing
Memory shock waves hit

Here we live with the past
Those who can't have run

Friendships, acquaintances, enemies
All in close proximity

Lives continually bonded
In memory moments
And chance meetings

Yeah, so I haven't posted in a really long time...

2006-08-09T10:36:00.000-07:00

...and there is a reason for that. I've been incredibly busy and all of my effort in poetry has been directed towards getting a book published (or at least self published). That said my writing hasn't stopped - only my blogging. I'm currently in process of cutting out a lot of things from my schedule so that I actually have time to do things with quality. Anyway, no promises for new poetry on this site anytime soon. I am, however, always looking for people to critique my work so if you're interested let me know and I'll get you a copy of the current version of my book.

If it's not one thing it's another

2006-03-17T17:25:00.000-08:00

Life goes on but to what end?
We wander to and fro and then,
we find ourselves back once again.
Where dismal feelings make us tend,
to use cliches our minds to mend.

It doesn't have to be that way.
For even on our darkest day,
if we but turn to God and pray,
He'll show us to the narrow way
while in this world we must stay.

And when our journey we complete,
when we behold His hands and feet,
The joy we feel will be so sweet.
For sorrow, pain, their end will meet.
And for that goal we should compete.

Refreshed

2006-02-28T14:29:00.000-08:00

Water brings hope to the desert
Growth where I saw only death
Washing away the dryness
The thirsty earth rejoices
Breaths a great sigh
This is life

My God

2006-02-28T14:23:00.000-08:00

My savior
My strength

How powerful you are
To speak creation to life

How gentle you are
To comfort my soul

I tremble to stand in your presence
Yet you have called me friend

God, I am undeserving
Christ, I am grateful

Fill me with Your love
So I might be a lantern of Life

2006-02-22T21:19:00.000-08:00

Such wasted hours
Pointless wanderings
Meaningless journeys

How the moments squandered
Sum to hours
Grow to days

Grasping for life
Not holding tight enough
Mediocrity surges

Focus
Broken
Struggle for passion

Hope glimmers
Revives the weary soul
Refreshes with living water

Compassion

2005-11-16T21:36:00.000-08:00

I feel your loneliness
As a lump in my throat
I want to comfort you
But distance prevents it
An ocean apart
No faces familiar
Know you are not abandoned
Know you are loved, missed, prayed for

Peace, my brother, peace

Confused Opaque Lost Ambiguous

2005-11-07T19:41:00.000-08:00

Blue cylinder, slightly tapered
Filled with life
Depression declares what's inside
But beneath the seal you bubble
You effervesce among frozen obstacles
Emerging in a refreshed state
But it will not last long for you
Heated darkness will soon consume you
And your energy must pass to another

My Hope

2005-10-25T17:47:00.000-07:00

Pain runs wildly
It's power broken
Pieces fall away as it shatters
All at the sound of Your name

Darkness is left with no stronghold
The light shines into every crevice
Wounds once hidden are now visible
Healing begins with their exposure

Turmoil ceases and peace sets in
Anguish is left with no handhold
It scratches and claws to no avail
As it falls to the place it belongs

Devil Child

2005-10-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

The offspring of relationships
Exhilarating, exciting, invigorating
The complaints and arguing feed you
You feast at the edge of a breakup
It's the only place you feel alive

Inspired by evevesdropping

2005-10-10T18:12:00.000-07:00

Controlled by desire for companionship
Restricted by social norms
But at least it makes for good conversation

You despair at the old maid card you hold
And though age has not yet touched you
You are qualified to voice advice to other children

Pressed

2005-10-04T17:00:00.000-07:00

Plucking it from the scene
Placing it on the flat surface
Adding pressure and waiting
As it dries some color fades
While time passes, the shape is distorted
What once had depth becomes flat
But what once would have vanished now remains
Even if only as a shadow of what was

Failings

2005-09-27T21:42:00.000-07:00

I'm fairly certain that all my failures as a human are the result of me not believing God is everything He said He is.

Tinted

2005-09-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

I want to look away
I want to go to you
Yet here behind this glass I am stranded
I try hard not to play the creep
You didn’t reject me right out
But your reaction was far from an embrace
I can’t ignore you any more than I could stop signs
So shielded from your vision, I pace
Frustrated by the undefined nature of our relationship
Saddened by the power it has on me

I placed it...

2005-09-23T23:03:00.000-07:00

I placed it at your feet and you cried
It wasn’t what you wanted
They were loving tears of disappointment
“But it took me years to make it” I replied
You responded, “Exactly”

Strange Forest

2005-09-23T23:02:00.000-07:00

I live in a strange forest
One where chestnut sometimes smells of cedar
And where pink blossoms are often found lingering on dead trees

Deaf and Blind

2005-09-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

Phone
iPod
CD player
Deaf

Sunglasses
Eye shadow
Eyes downcast
Blind

Torn

2005-09-23T22:52:00.000-07:00

In a rush to read a proverb
The fortune is torn
The promise broken
The wisdom cancelled

I am church staff!

2005-09-14T21:09:00.000-07:00

Just an update on me. More poetry to come soon.

Break point

2005-08-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not superhuman, just trying to be human is hard enough
So don't exepect me to react perfectly to hard times
Anger and frustration are human but letting them consume you is not
Don't mistake my moments of fury for a lifestyle of madness
Don't mistake my tears for failure
If I were made to be calm and composed 24/7
Then there would be no examples of Friday garden prayers
Or lamenting before the tomb of a friend

Poetry from backpacking

2005-08-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

Fire

Wind antagonizes the fire
Bringing roaring life to its dying embers
Flame soon leaps out on its own
Without the aid of billows

View

Cresting the ridge
Panting, aching, exhausted
A new part of creation is revealed
Its beauty greater than all I had seen before
All former views pale in comparison to this
All future views will be measured by this standard

What trail?

A map with no paths leads to wonderful places
Places off the established routs
Locations that offer incredible beauty

Of course at times it is a risk
Never knowing if a saddle is passable
Or if a lake or stream has fish

But the sense of accomplishment at reaching your goal
Outweighs the comfort of the trails
And out shines the merits of a standard hike

Prayer of Assurance

2005-08-08T23:21:00.000-07:00

I pray to God,
'Send me a cure'.

I have a disease,
that leads me to doubt.

Your grace is sufficient,
if I just lean on you.

I must seek your ways,
to end my doubting.

Follow your will,
and life is sure.

2005-07-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

I just wrote this one and don't feel like cleaning it up right now so here's some raw poetry:

Lunatic

The greatest joy found
In understanding of unworthyness
In freedom from the world
In lack of possesion
In following You
The joy to dance and sing
The peace to suffer gladly
The love that shines eternal
The life unlike any other
I want to sing with creation giving glory to You
I want to stand firm and boldly make claims of Your power
I want to seek You alone and to love others with Your Love
To live a life so different others can't help but notice
To live a life so filled with Love that others can't help but smile
To live a life so humble I think of You first always
To live a life so complete that others will seek you for it

Silent Protest

2005-07-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

I won't lie to you but silence would speak volumes
So how should I react to your joy built so poorly on sandy ground?
Do I voice my concern and risk friendship or hold my toungue and let you learn the hard way?
I will support and encourage and hope for the best but if put to the question I'll admit doubt
And most likely you'll justify your reasons, letting me know that I don't know enough to have a say
Even though I've been right so often before

2005-07-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

Will you ever know the tears I've shed?
Will you ever feel the love I have?
Nameless brother, unknown sister, will you ever know my pain?
I ache for what you have lost even if you don't
When I hear of your wanderings my heart stings with empathy
You are trying to fill your need with nothingness
To dull your pain by dulling your conscience, fears and emotions
While Life breaths whispers of Truth to your soul

Afterlife and the Apocalypse

2005-06-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

I recently realized that my views on the afterlife and escatology were not only not my own, but were very possibly not even very biblical. I have no idea what a biblical view of heaven and hell is. I mean there is torment in hell, and there is Jesus and his kingdom in heaven, but what that will actually look like in either case I can't say. I was taught that hell was a place of complete separation from God. Biblical? I actually don't know, I don't even know where best to look(ok I know there's some stuff in the gospels but other than that I'm at a loss). And what of heaven, I've heard things like "perfect" and "no pain" ect, ect, but once again I find myself wondering if there is straight up biblical view of heaven. I know there will be praising and glorifying God, but I find myself unable to say things like, "I'll see you in heaven" or "when I get to heaven I'll ask Paul what he was talking about". Is there any biblical basis for actually recognizing people from this life in the life after? And then comes the Apocalypse. Although I questioned most of the theology presented to me in my years of private education I never once considered that there may be differing theologies on "Revelation" and end times theology. Now I find out that I was educated with young, "pop" theology that has been in exsistence for a relitively short period of time.

I'm not posting to get answers - if I do then great because I would like some - but to say that the current result of my ponderings on these subjects is that they are currently unimportant to me. Right now I just don't care. The way I see it is that, I'll find out about heaven when I die and that's good enough for me. And as for the end of the world? As my life unfolds I want to seek after God and the kingdom of heaven here on earth no matter what stage of the end times I may find myself in. I want to focus my energy on loving God, pleasing and glorifying him and on loving others. Maybe I will never understand the finer points of theology, but that never was the point of the gospel now was it.

Freedom

2005-05-20T06:48:00.001-07:00

Last week I spent a day with someone who had just been released from prison after 3 1/2 years. Seeing so much joy and wonder at such small things as a mini mart and buffet dining has been helping my understanding of Christian freedom grow. One of my many dissapointments in most of the churched Christians I come in contact with is that there is no real understanding that they are free. start disclaimer - I know this is a broad generalization, but it's the best way for me to express my thoughts at the moment - end disclaimer. However I do say this with confidence because I had no idea what freedom was untill recent years. Being raised in the church makes it hard to understand the freedom Christ has for us because no bondage has been experienced. In fact the Christian life as often portrayed by the media/Sunday school/society - or simply as developed in the minds of many who were raised in the church - has been seen as the prison and the life of the world as freedom. The problem I have now is how do I explain the freedom I have in Christ, how do I help others understand that life is bigger this way, more flavor filled, vibrant and aromatic? To be a living example is one thing - and I'm not even too good at that half the time - but to teach a concept like that is nigh impossible.

Be excited about your freedom, take joy in little things. Our sphere of influence is very limited, so changing the world starts with Christ being central to our lives here and now and his Glory being our primary joy. Christianity is not a set of rules, it's the way of Life. It's loving God.

Faith

2005-05-03T14:52:00.000-07:00

This quote is from a creative nonfiction book about St. Fancis of Assisi. It is Francis' response to arguments that the monks in his order should be schooled in order to better defend their faith.
"Defend the faith? What for? Faith will defend itself as long as its followers are worthy of it."

Thoughts anyone?

Waiting

2005-04-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

Anxiously waiting where I might be seen
Looking for a car that may never pass
My fingers are chilled, though the warmth of indoors is near
My lips are parched, when water is just across the street
But I want to see her, sooner rather than later
The thought of her smile filled greeting
Keeps me resting outside benieth this tree

And now for something completely different

2005-04-15T15:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the lack of posts as of late but I had to move, and blogging was not at the top of my priorities list. On top of that I also got a girlfriend. Consequently the tone of my poetry will probably change a bit, and I apologize but I am going to post an occasional romantic poem. Tara does not read this site, nor does she know it exists so I'm not posting them for her, but simply because they represent my thoughts at the time.

Random

2005-04-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

My Greek peppers froze in the fridge.

I think the real reason behind destroying pickups by excessive raising or lowering is to avoid helping people move. If your truck bed is 6 feet off the ground it's going to be as much work to get a couch into the truck as it would be to get it down from a 2nd story apartment. On the other hand if it scrapes pavement under normal circumstances, you can't really put any weight in the bed either.

On a recent family vacation someone snapped a picture of me taking a leak in the desert. It was from behind so it isn't showing anything particularly inappropriate, although the stream is displayed quite nicely.

Irish proverb: If it’s drowning you’re after, don’t torment yourself with shallow water.

Judges 4:21 "Then Jael Heber's wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died."

I think that life is much more entertaining when you use creative descriptions as opposed to common names. Such as cancer booths, and dual wheeled mechanism of bipedal transportation.

My girlfriend (Tara) and I spent some romantic time looking at the medical photos of burns, lacerations, and amputations. It was awesome, but I'm prone to wonder, "could she drive a tent peg through someone's skull?"

On a recent scholarship application it had options about ethnic/racial background with a follow up blank asking what sort of activities you were involved in that prove that you are part of that culture. Financial need prevented me from answering "Irish: I like beer."

I gave Tara the streams in the desert photo. I'm not sure which is more unusual: the fact I gave it to her, or the fact she so graciously accepted.

Burdened

2005-03-29T07:09:00.000-08:00

My light is dimmed by my past
My joy is restricted by my errors
Consequences linger long after the fact
Wounds re-open just before healing
Life has shown me the dark of night
And taught me I cannot touch it
I cannot heal it, nor make it bright
Dark currents eddied around me
So in my absence nothing remained
And when I finally walked away
The darkness consumed all I'd done

Love?

2005-03-29T06:59:00.000-08:00

Abandoned by the world you loved
Forsaken by all you held close
Proclaiming loudly that you are damned
Yet you declare to love me?

What love can you give me if you fail to know God's?
Your love is a shadow of a shadow, a grain of silt
Without God your affections cannot be true
And with God you would not need me to dry your tears

Redemption

2005-03-20T13:14:00.000-08:00

All around me bright and cheery faces,
Seen as through a dark curtain
fail to change my mood.

I wear a mask of cheerfulness,
fooling everyone with my facade,
but I know the truth.

All that lies beneath my sham,
loneliness, fear, anger,
consumes all joy.

Who can rescue me from my turmoil?
I cry out to my God,
'Redeem me!'

'Only you can save me from my condition,
Repair my heart O God.
Renew my spirit.'

How's it going?

2005-03-18T23:20:00.000-08:00

Some times I really hate that question because it defies a one-word explanation. An example would be the week two years ago when my grandma died, two of my good friends got married, and conversation was re-initiated between me and a friend whom I had deeply wounded. I'm sure of my grandmother's salvation, I was happy my friends got married, and I was filled with joy at the opportunity for reconciliation. But how do you sum that up? I could have said, "I'm good" or "Ok" or "fine" but none of those answers satisfied the question. Sure the sum of events was good, but the stress, grief and joy were near overwhelming. Consequently a good number of people got an earful that week for asking a simple greeting. So let this post be a warning and an invitation: If you ask me, be prepared to listen, and if I ask, please answer as completely as you need.

Do Do

2005-03-16T07:09:00.000-08:00

I was reminded yesterday in two vivid ways how Christian living can be viewed from differing perspectives. I went to a funeral for a distant relative who I felt was worthy of paying respects to. She was an incredible servant in the community and took the joy of Christ into every situation. The vast majority of the service was about those sort of things, the things she did. On the flipside earlier in the day I was talking to a friend (who happens to be one of my best friend's wife) who was trying to hook me up. The funny thing was that when describing my faith to the girl in question (who I am going to ask out BTW) my friend focused on the things that I didn't do. Doesn't party or smoke often, not into the whole sex before marriage thing, doesn't cuss too much....ect. True Christianity is both of those things - the actions and the inactions - but in my opinion and in my life I'd rather have the actions be remembered or noticed by others and by God. Who wants to be remembered for what they didn't do?

Music

2005-03-14T20:50:00.000-08:00

No sweeter sound than a cry
No better prayer than a wail
Earnest, heart-felt, emotional
Our voice is louder when it's true
When it's filled with pain
Or bursting with joy
Or racked with grief
Our song is music only if there is feeling
It is beautiful only after suffering
It glorifies only in true exultation

Two posts in a row?

2005-03-05T17:53:00.000-08:00

And now for a completely pointless rhyming poem:

I stretch out my feet and wiggle my toe
Tapping keys quickly, to what end I don't know
I open my mind and let the words flow
Line by line I watch it grow
Is it a masterpiece? By all means NO!
It simply means there are two posts in a row

2005-03-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

I asked, I begged, I pleaded, I wept, I mourned, I apologized, I fasted, I hoped. What would it mean if my prayers were answered? What would it mean if I was used to answer them?
I'm terrified and excited by the thought. I asked God to move, but the weight of his movement leaves me feeling weak in the knees both at my lowly status and at God's love. Plainly put, I'm scared of the path in front of me. It could be the end of my hoping, a prolonged exercise in patience, or something different entirely.

The Coat

2005-03-02T22:09:00.000-08:00

Coat tails soaked in the purest of blood

A jacket tainted by a young heart’s first love

A memory born that can not be escaped

A ghost in my head that won’t be silenced

A feeling inside that I can not resist

A pain in the pit that through all things persists

To burn the coat would not end the pain

Discomfort

2005-02-27T17:01:00.000-08:00

So often we limit ourselves to a smaller god by not exploring the edges of comfort. I think God is outside of all of our constructs for Him. Recently I have been thinking about things I have heard, or believed or now believe that are contrary to the normal view of God. Well, perhaps not contrary in all cases, but simply larger or different. I do not believe all of these, but they are all points to ponder. And yes I know some of them can be debunked scripturally with no problem, but if that's the case try to relate to the type of person who would think such a thing.

The use of narcotic substances is universal, be it alcohol or a hallucinogen. I don't think God wants us to fire on all cylinders all the time. We can't handle it so he provided us with ways out.

What if "past life experiences" are Gods way of giving multiple chances for salvation.

If God is outside of time and he accepts death bed conversions, would it not be possible for someone who truly believed and then fell away to still retain salvation?

I disagree with abortion but I think it should remain legal. Before it was legalized young women would perform back alley abortions and not only kill the child, but themselves as well. At least while it's legal the woman lives.

I think we should drink at church. Alcohol has been in churches for centuries why not anymore?

God is a concept completely not of this reality. Is it so difficult to believe that people who have taken reality altering drugs might have a clearer understanding of God?

Feared

2005-02-20T00:39:00.000-08:00

What do you have for me God
that I frighten the women I come near
that I injure the ones I touch

I want to see your vision
but all I feel is despair.
My faith immobilized by mere presence
My strength removed by a memory

And yet what do I fear most?
The one who would let me near
The one who would risk the damage

God what direction would you have me take
On what road should I journey
Because the pain I now feel is not yours
Because in the joy of you I should not have such worries

© 2005 Matt Naylor

Sticker

2005-02-17T06:52:00.000-08:00

On a bumper sticker: "Execution stops a beating heart"

I thought about this for a few moments, trying to extrapolate some profound meaning.

I failed.

One day later my response is still, "I sure hope so."

An ode to the 14th

2005-02-15T19:13:00.000-08:00

Alone on this wretched day
Surrounded by colors that fill me with rage
They speckle the landscape like zits on the grass
White, pink, red - such lies those colors tell
"The love of another and romance bring life"

Your loves will die out if not this year then next
And you'll grasp for another to "cure" you
What victims you are
To the whims of the world
That chain you to feelings of love and acceptance

In loneliness you can't cope
But in companionship you don't live
Be alone for once, let the pangs take hold
Embrace what you run from
Before all turns to ash

Is it worth it for you?
The pain of rejection, the hurt of the let down?
I live with one pain steady and slow
But your life is a pile of baggage
A repetition of failures
A pattern of disappointments
Your wings are clipped; your life unlived
And you don't even know it

© 2005 Matt Naylor

The book of _____

2005-02-11T23:28:00.000-08:00

What do you have to tell me
What mysteries do your pages hold
Perhaps none
You may just say all you mean
A deeper look might bury your message
Yet still I find myself searching for some deeper meaning
Fishing for some revelation of character, either yours or God's
And I lose sleep over the thought that I have missed the point

© 2005 Matt Naylor

Fullness

2005-02-08T06:35:00.000-08:00

I look at the beauty of a simple plant
Run my fingers along a piece of tree.
I take notice of a pleasing scent
Lift my voice to declare I'm free.
I listen to the word of God
Found on the gentle breeze,
Or in the roaring wind
The thundering storm
The sermon's meat
And I taste the bread, I drink the cup
I dance, I run, I laugh and weep
I take hold of you and what you have
That I might live in fullness

Fasting

2005-02-06T07:48:00.000-08:00

So it's been about a month since I posted. Consequently I have spent the last month nearly devoid of media input. Why? Because God had something larger than TV and internet for me to experience. I was fasting. I was following Jesus. Fasting is one of three "when" disciplines that most Christians seem happy enough to ignore or apathetic enough not to change. What I mean by "when" disciplines is that either by direct statement of Jesus or unwritten assumption these disciplines are assumed to be part of Christian living. Jesus made comments of "when you fast" and "when you pray". Not if but when. Or for us Americans, not if you feel like it, but when it is necessary. I would have to say that I think fasting from food is a much more powerful and biblical form of fasting, but all that a fast requires is cutting out a luxury for the sake of Christ's kingdom. And still, excuses flow in abundance. I rationalized for hours why I just could not partake in the media fast. "I spend too much time alone anyway and I'm not disciplined enough to read my bible and pray for 3-5 hours every day. I won't be able to update my blog." Or my favorite because in comparison to knowing Christ they simply show my own stupidity, "I just bought three DVD's I really want to watch. There are some movies in the theatre that I want to see on the big screen." All of my excuses were rubbish, were evidences of just how far I still have to go. Fasting is about stepping out in faith, in the knowledge and understanding that God is enough to sustain you. A glimpse of the cases of fasting in the Old Testament leaves me with no doubt that fasting makes our prayers all the sweeter before the throne of God.
(The third when, for any of you keeping count, I believe is unwritten and it is "when you read scripture")

Words

2005-01-05T22:04:00.000-08:00

The pit of depravity opens forth
Spewing the fluid of pain and uncertainty
Expelling the bile of misunderstanding
Dumping carelessly the seeds of confusion
So why open the gate
Why break the seal
Why shatter the stillness and end the stability?

The Alley

2004-12-12T09:22:00.000-08:00

What darkened alley I find myself in
Surrounded by a stench that reflects what’s within
I search for the street, the open moonlight
But the grime and the filth blocks all exits from sight
Stumbling blindly I bump against walls
Soot gathers on my clothing from this damnable hall
I shout for direction into the black
But here in the darkness no voice calls back
So I stagger and swagger and trouble along
With the voice in my head screaming “this is all wrong”
I should not be here with this garbage and sludge
Yet the bottle I carry looks at me as my judge
Conceding defeat I place my back to the bricks
And slide to the ground, though it makes me sick
“Never again will this alley keep me,
Never again will I not be free!”
Sentiments whispered to the insects and rats,
Who feast on the refuse and hide from the cats

Smote

2004-12-11T13:44:00.000-08:00

How much till you break?
Will it be the needle snapping the camel’s back
Or the safe on Wiley’s head?
Will it be a lack of endurance
Or blunt force trauma that shatters the lattice
And when it happens will you cry or laugh?
Dance or still yourself?

Will you survive?

2004-12-10T15:07:00.000-08:00

John sat defeated in his father’s cigarette burned recliner, the sunset cast lined shadows across him as it dodged through gaps in the mini blinds. Failure. That is what I am. Leaving his elbows on the armrests he raised his right hand to rub his temple with a cold metallic finger. I’m not any better than him. I’m worse. Despair filled his every fiber, guilt shuddered in his throat, but no fear entered his eyes. Nothing entered his eyes. They had died long ago in precession to any act that he intended now. One reason. There is not one reason to stay. The clicks thundered in the silent room as he gently, deliberately drew his thumb back. Another sound invaded his moment. Music? John strained his ears to the subtle tones of a lonely flute that had wandered into his scene. The hollow notes struck an eerie chord. They resonated within John’s chest; spoke agreement to his every pain. Each grief doubled as the pain stricken song mirrored it. Slowly his hand dropped away from his temple and years of pain and apathy began to etch moist trails down his cheeks.

Forged Identity

2004-12-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

An identity forged alone in the flames

Tempered like steel, born of great pains

Quenched in the waters of life’s falling rains

Melted again by something so true

Companionship broke an identity in two

And in the fires of love it is forged anew

The resoning

2004-12-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

There are two major reasons for this site: 1) To post my thoughts and insights on a variety of subjects. 2) To have a public outlet for my short stories and poetry. My thoughts will be open for posts, where as most of the poetry and stories will not. If you want to comment on a piece then talk to me in person. This is because in my poetry and stories I often try to capture a moment. A singular point in time is not who I am, I may not even entirely agree with what I felt in that moment so I don't feel as if it is something that needs to be critiqued. If you like it and you know me, tell me and tell me why. If you don't like it or it raises concerns about my well-being then please approach me directly.

It starts...

2004-12-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

Late one night - or early one morning depending on your point of view - I was shuffling through the list of blogs and websites that I check regularly waiting for something new to show up. In desperate need of a break from the paper I was writing and realizing that no one was going to post anything new I was inspired to begin my own blog. This was not a new thought but I had never acted upon it and sleep deprivation is the best tool to remove my inhibitions. That night I created this site, and posted an incoherent string of words that made since only in the light of approaching 24 hours without sleep (Does make one wonder about the quality of the paper I was writing though).
Now I'm rectifying that situation by beginning anew, fully rested and relatively mentally stable.